Lost

I have been lost my whole life it seems like. I don’t truly know what happiness is. Or what it is like to stay happy. This week I made a friend. Everything was going great. She even joined my buisness. Everything was great and we were building a friendship and a partnership with the buisness. But then all the sudden she told me about a conversation she had with her boyfriend … she told him I would be down for a threesome trying to gain some kind of attention or respect from him. The thing is is that I’m not. Then she tried to kiss me and I turned her down politely. I have a boyfriend whom I fall for more and more every day. So now she is acting like it’s the end of the world that I turned her down and we can’t be friends and she doesn’t want to build this buisness with me she wants to build it with someone else…. this is so frustrating for me. I felt like things were finally falling into place and that I was finally going to accomplish things and then BAM! It was like a freight train and when she called my other buisness partner she wanted to lie to her about what happened and say that I had a thing with her boyfriend…. no crazy idk your boyfriend I just don’t understand how this continues to happen. How I continue to get put into situations that end badly for me. 

Then I finally came out about why I’m not friends with a certain person and BAM ! It’s all me. My fault. She did nothing wrong and I’m a terrible person. I play the victim card and I owe her all this money and blah blah blah. Ummm actually no. There is witness to your actions honey. You just don’t want to admit what you did was WRONG !! 

How does on get out of the “can’t be happy” mentality. I know I can be but why is it that when things are really good one little piece of that goodness ends up breaking apart. 

I am sitting in the middle of one of the most beautiful parks in my home state. It is sooo green and I can hear the animals around me chirping andcooing. It’s the most beautiful area you could imagine. But my soul can’t stop worrying and my heart is just broke for no reason. 

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