Being engaged and not telling…. 

In may of 2014, I met Joshua Edward Barron. And did he surely change my life. I can tell you right now that it it wasn’t for this man I wouldn’t be alive today. He is my Marine and I wouldn’t change the time we had together for anything in the world. 

Josh and I both believed family over everything. His family was the reason he joined the Marines. He was the protective older brother that every girl wished for. He loved his brother and sister more than anything and always talked about his sisters cheerleadering and playing hockey with his little brother growing up. He was truly proud of them. 

We quickly fell head over heals for each other and decided to plan to get married towards the end of the summer of 2015 under two circumstances. The Marine corp would allow it and our families got along. So we promised that until he came home we would solely focus on my education, his career and building a rock solid relationship for when the day came for him to come home. 

July of 2014, Josh was online when he found a website that someone blasted me on ruining my reputation and getting me kicked out of Miss Spokane. Josh understood the situation and continued to get to know me and sticking by my side. He said that nothing even that could come between us. 

But, then I began being harassed. Told I was asking to be posted onto the site and that I wanted the pictures to be taken. That I as a slut and I would have defamation of character charges pressed against me if I didn’t keep my mouth shut about Planks envolvment. I lost all of my “friends” except for Josh. Those friends couldn’t handle being seen with me, associated with me, or me being depressed. So one night I sat and wrote letters to people. I planned out my suicide and told Josh that I loved him but I couldn’t do life anymore. 

Josh didn’t take that to heart and begged me to not give up. He encouraged me to leave Spokane and find the hope I had lost. He was encouraged me to do what ever it took to get better so we could live happily ever after. He even told me to do my thing and he would be there waiting for me at the end of the tunnel in the light. Waiting to hug me and give me the biggest kiss in the planet. 

That next May 17 2015 Joshes osprey went down which ended up killing him and one of the other guys that he was on pre deployment with. My world was shattered and shaken to the core. My text I sent him a few days before was never read. My hero was gone. In an instant all of our plans were gone and my future didn’t exist anymore. 

I have been fighting daily to be someone. To figure out where I go in life next. Do I tell people our story? Or do I let it go with the wind? I waited almost a year of it slowly killing me inside and I finally opened up. 

I am now a lier, a bitch, crazy. I recently got how dare I disrespect a fallen hero because we made the choice to wait to tell people. Was it the best choice? Probably not but it was what we wanted. 

Do I know who these people are saying these things? No 

Does it hurt like hell? Yea 

Does it matter? No it’s not there life 

How do I move forward? That is what I’m still trying to figure out……..

Death leaves a heartache that no one can heal, but love leaves a memory that no one can steal. 

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