The fall out of the pageant girl 

Hey guys, here’s your first insight. When I was growing up my brother had about 8 best friends that he grew up with which meant I was raised with these guys. They became my brothers too and until they graduated high school we all did everything together and I would to this day move mountains for any of them! When I was 20 one of them decided in a drunk and drugged state that life would be better with out him. Which isn’t anywhere near being true. I was so so heart broken. This wasn’t my first loss and it for sure wasn’t my first loss to suicide but having it be one of my big brothers was insanely difficult. So here comes Miss Spokane … I was told I had a strong platform and that I would be a good fit to be apart of the program. Needless to say they just needed girls to fill the stage and I never truly had a shot at winning but they pushed me and pushed me until I lost my soul. I heard that the board members were telling people I would never win. That I wasn’t pretty enough nor was I good enough and that I needed to just give up. I poured my heart and soul into the program and the relationships I slaved over. I put my entire life on hold for them. Then, they introduced Matthew Plank to the program… because he was “friends” with important people who have a lot of money so they could benefit the program. Well Matthew was also a photographer and made all these promises to help with my platform and do headshots for me no strings attached …. until it came time to do the head shots and he demanded that I take some “maxum” photos …. I told him no repeatedly and should have not gone to the shoot but I figured he would have backed off. But he didn’t. He kept pushing. So under the understanding of what I thought was a legal binding contract… only to find out later it wasn’t. And he released at least one of the photos with awful things attached to it. I know for a fact that it was him. I remember the day they were taken like it was yesterday. It was the WORST experience of my life and I can honestly tell you that I will never be the same again from it. In the months following he begged me to go to his house late at night and when I would say no he would continuously threaten to ruin my life… little did I know that he was serious. As soon as I found out I turned it into the board members for the pageant and with in a week I was band from the Miss America organization … for posing naked! What a joke just so you know. I wasn’t naked at all. I actually had more cloths on then I did competing on there stage for the local titles.  But the director for Washington wouldn’t let me fight for my opportunity to continue with the program. In the months following I got nasty messages from a lady named Ann Marie telling me that if I didn’t leave it alone I would be sued for defamation of character. That it was my fault and I asked for it and I posted it all by myself for attention. I wanted to die. I planed out how I would kill myself I wrote letters. Everyone that I thought loved me and cared about me left me when I needed them the most. Everyone except Josh but will talk about him more later. They made me feel worthless though and like life would be better with out me. Ann Marie would call other directors to make sure they knew about me…. past along a poor judgment of charactor toward me.

 Josh encouraged me to research other pageants that might accept me for me. Who wouldn’t pass judgement on me either so I did my research and found the Miss Washington USA program. Maureen and David were the most kind hearted none judging LOVING people I have ever met. In all honesty they were a light at the end of the tunnel, something that I could hold on to and let slowly into my life. I would never win in there system. I’m not what they are looking for. I don’t know how to not share my opinions. Which is okay. I honestly competed in there system because of the love and compassion there staff has for each and every girl. It brings hope to so many. 

The purple ribbon pageant was the next “fun” pageant I did. But being Spokane and the small town feel the drama was really quick to come. Yup! Ann Marie was one of the judges and she told the only judge that didn’t know me not to expect anything great from me on stage. And the MC and director at the time, Stacie, to this day has some kind of beef against me. I’m not sure why or what I did to her but she has massive beef. I got runner up out of two girls that weekend. It was the worst experience ever. 

Next up, Today’s American Woman, “we have no drama and don’t care what you bring to the table” yes but they double draft money from PayPal and they don’t give you a refund for there mistakes. Let alone they make there pageant seem so fantastic and like you get all this cool stuff from there pageant but I haven’t received any of it yet …. then when you think they are giving you your money back really they send you a letter saying if you don’t stop making lies up and talking poorly on social media they’ll sue … everyone is so sue happy these days! Not to mention the director is mooching off the state and making money from the poor innocent souls paying to compete in this crap show…. 

Next up Miss Washington US. I feel like I need to clear the air with this one! Yes I bought the open title because No one wanted to compete…. i paid 1500 dollars to basically be the little “bi^ch” for the weekend. I wasn’t talked about except to be crowned and not mentioned at all. Never once was I announced outside of that night as a title holder and no matter how hard even after getting hit by a drunk driver I worked she wouldn’t work with me. So for medical reasons I resigned. Not even an HOUR later the new Miss Washington was announced and hailed praises too on every outlet possible! Talk about a slap in the face to make it even better Kristin the director went around telling people I was dethrowed. Hahaha ummm NO! 

Last but not least. My favorite. Regal majesty. I may compete for regal some day again but not for a long time. I was completely embarrassed by how my make up and hair artist acted and handled the weekend. She was a distraction and didn’t really care about me as much as she did about the other girls. It was a horrible experience. But the rest of the weekend was amazing. There is a reason they got voted in the top in the pageant industry. 

I have a voice to be heard. I speak what people don’t want to hear and I don’t conform my ideas to fit the needs of others. This is not accepted in the pageant industry. For now I need to find my soul and my happiness in my life before I tackle the pageant cercit again. My soul is so dark and lost that I need to be happy for once not stressed about this life …. 
That and Im still hurt by Matthew plank. The man who could do no  wrong and would never post a pic like that to be evil…. has done this to several woman…. with way worse pictures and recently had to register as a sex offender due to being caught trying to meet up with a teen age girl. But don’t worry he would never intentionally do anything with anyone but sell drugs for sex. 

Be strong, but not rude; be kind; but not weak; BE BOLD but not BULLY, Be HUMBLE but not timmed, be proud not arrogant. 

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